Obituary for Susan Ann “Sue” Cocconi

How does one encapsulate a life? So many variations of experience. So much of a spectrum for a human being to partake, express, or succumb. Pleasure and pain, love and hate, success and failure, trial and error, hope and despair; Sue knew all of these things and some saw a piece of each in her. Sue had all of the above. On November 4th, 2021 her time with any of them came to an end. She embarked on a new pilgrimage. I bid her Buen Camino.

Sue was my younger sister, but by her commands and her appearance she was often mistakenly deemed to be “older than me”. Because I am the surviving next of kin, she has to rely upon me to briefly recount her life. I hope she would approve of what I say of her. For those who knew her, I hope you remember. For those who didn’t, I hope you’ll grasp something about her.

Born on May 26th 1958 in San Mateo, CA of John Cocconi and Lucille Bongle-Cocconi, she was a force to be reckoned with! Both beguiling and demanding, Sue captured our father’s love from the outset. Growing up in the SF Bay Area during the 1960’s & 70’s, Sue was every bit a product of that evolutionary time. Yet, she was firmly rooted in Catholic education, namely St. Matthew’s Elementary and Mercy High School. Sue was a ring-leader of her own group of gal pals who would regularly “cruise” the El Camino Real in Sue’s Mustang II.

After John died in 1983, at the exact same age as Sue – 63 – she bought a place in El Granada on the Pacific Coast and lived there for 4 years. 

In her early 30’s, Sue’s life entered a phase of many struggles. An artist at heart, she nevertheless abandoned that pursuit, accepting instead a position of a project accountant for a large construction firm for 15 years. That position was stable but unsatisfying. She never lost her excellent taste in clothing, room design, or how to make something look elegant. When that position ended it coincided with our mother Lucille, 84, becoming more dependent. Hoping for a fresh start, Sue moved with her back to Green Bay, Wisconsin to be closer to our cousins Cheri Larson and Bill Bongle. But five years later she would come back to California and reunite with a long-ago friend and former fiancée, Tom Vannucci. The two lived together as common-law spouses for the remaining 13 years of her life. Tom always joked about her that Sue would always “poke the bear”. Sue liked to argue!

It is ironic that another more debilitating suitor wed itself to her at age 52 as well, when her kidneys failed and she transformed into a renal-dialysis patient. Often drained by the process, emaciated, and weak, she was fortunate enough to qualify for Social Security Disability income. Though a meager amount, she and Tom were able keep a modest home. They began in an apartment in Angels Camp and in the last 3 years graduated up to a house in Murphys (and at higher elevation). They spent their time together gardening and painting rocks as expression art. Many sayings decorate the property. They were happy in this wooded surrounding even as Sue’s health declined from 3 dialysis treatments per week. 

Sue’s final decade revolved around the people and nurses of Satellite Dialysis center in Jamestown, CA. It took the place of her job and they become her community, her comrades. Trish, Lisa, Beth, and Alumita were but a few of the important people who worked there and many other fellow patients she entertained with her caustic humor and rapier wit which often came with a warmth and smile; but sometimes a rebuking kick-in-the-pants. They loved her as did “Lemonhead” Debbie the nurse working at her pain specialists’ office. And unlike Tom and I, where she had the safety to unleash her displeasure(s), they knew her as a sweet and funny soul who was likable and generous. 

Now, all that is done. The specter that was Susan Ann Cocconi looms only in the hearts and memories of those who remain. Often speaking of her fear of hell and yet equal certainty about her admission into heaven, where she would reunite with her beloved “Dad”, it was her irascible spirit that was more in evidence than her faith in any religion. I pray, hope, imagine that she got her wish; that her predictions of the afterlife, as she wanted it, have come to pass. 

Those of us who survive her: me – Stephen Cocconi, Tom Vannucci, Sarah Sutton, Cheri Larson-Burwell, Bill and Beth Bongle, Tamara Samsa, Ed Vellis and Gail Vallincourt, Marilyn West, Marie Neilson, Greg and Traci West, Denice Merlo, and others perhaps who I simply can’t remember. We will never forget that in the end, she got her wish; the same as the title song from her favorite rock group The Ramones, came to pass. That song: “I Wanna Be Sedated”.

Sue entered Hospice on the last day of her life and when the Methadone and Ativan was administered by the nurse, her pain abated, and her agitation lightened. Then after a good dinner she closed her eyes and went to sleep never to awaken. The official cause of death was lung cancer that had metastasized to her back and brain.

My sister is gone and I am relieved she is free from those painful maladies. Wherever she is now, I’m sure that “force to be reckoned with,” is still making herself known. Good journey Sue.

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Memorial Plans are in the works. They are tentatively scheduled for some time in Spring, 2022. The inurnment celebration will be at Skylawn Memorial Park on Hwy 92 in San Mateo. If you’d like to be notified and attend, contact me via email at [email protected].